Today was one of those days - a Monday - when I just could not get the ball rolling. I had little energy for the day and even less motivation. I tried to read my daily devotion to start off with some inspiration, but ended up reading about how the disciples fled in fear and abandonment, after the crucifixion of their leader and friend.
I feel like I've been doing the same. My leader and friend seems so distant and my challenges seem so blocked-up and pressed into a jumble of confusion and mire. I try to remain single minded and focussed. I try to keep a positive attitude. Today at lunch I sat away from my coworkers to avoid disappointing them with my melancholy. It felt good, safe and calm to pull away- until they all moved over to my table and started talking about "how was your Easter weekend?"
Bah.
This funk I'm in is deep. It reflects my feelings of disappointment in so many areas of my life. Professionally, I haven't been able to leave work for the last 2 years saying "I've done all I could today." In my ministry, the guys I serve with must think I'm a flake. In my home I have so much desire to be "there" for my family- but I get home and barely have enough energy to listen to the stories about their day. In my neighborhood, in my church, in my job, at play... I can't seem to see any hope.
I'm going to bed early tonight.
Maybe in the morning I'll be able to see more clearly- beyond the haze of myself and into the glory of the sun.
6 comments:
I enjoyed your comments on my blog. Thanks for the book reference. I hope a good night's sleep restored your ability to cope with life. We need to feel hope on a daily basis.
Hi Brad, thank you for your comments on our blog, had to share this with you -
Trials make the promise sweet,
Trials bring new life to prayer,
Trials bring me to HIS feet,
Lay me low and keep me there.
This is part of a daily devotion by Spurgeon.
Don't carry your burdens round leave them with HIM.
Thank you for being so transparent and honest on this journey.
The Lord used you to encourage me at church last night. Thank you for being available and listening to Him. (I blogged about your ministry in my life...hope you don't mind!)
I'll be praying for you and yours as you continue living by faith.
Brad,
You are always such an encouragement to others. Kevin and I so appreciate you and your passion to reach people in a real, practical way. We're praying for you.
Jennifer
Hi Brad thank you once again for your comments on our blog, Meg is fine as are all the other dogs, we do the blog mainly for our grandchildren so they can see what sort of day we are having, we call them dog blogs or plant & tree blogs. Just to share with them.
Hope you and yours are well, take care and God bless from the Duxbury Ramblers.
Wow, perhaps this post has been written a long time ago, however it's really touching. It's exactly what is happening to me right now. It makes me feel good and I know that my situation and the way I feel will change soon. Thanks for sharing.
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